Are you in a toxic or in an abusive relationship?

Toxic or abusive relationships can be found in any kind of relationship. The most common one is in a romantic relationship. One of the parties tend to control and manipulate the other one in many ways, for example, financially, emotionally and psychologically. However, this kind of behaviour is also seen in friendships, in family members as well as in work related environment.

Some common features in a toxic or in an abusive relationship are:

  • Feeling of insecurities
  • Fear
  • Self-doubt of what is right and what is wrong
  • Verbal fights
  • Physical, emotional and psychological abuse
  • Guilt feelings
  • Depressive and anxiety symptoms
  • Low self-esteem and self-value. You feel not good enough in anything

Some personality features from the abuser: (Partner, mum, dad, friend, relative, co-worker) are:

  • Manipulation
  • Passive aggressive behaviour
  • Control on your personality, on your finances, on your relationships, on what you wear
  • Jealousy of your friends, of your achievements
  • Judgements of your behaviour

In a toxic or abusive relationship, you feel confuse about your own values, about your own thoughts and about what is right for you. As a result, you tend to think and believe that the abuser is right. In the end, you please his/her demands and you feel down, angry, frustrated with yourself because you know that you are doing something that is against your own self, neglecting your own needs.

Depending on the moment or circumstance, the abuser in a calmed and passive way behaves to control and obtain from you what he/she wants, and this is your obedience to his/her needs.  If you do not please them, they put you down and make you feel like a bad person (wife, husband, daughter, son, friend, work-colleague} and guilty for hurting their feelings.

The abuser could tell you that he/she knows what the best thing for you is. Because he/she cares for you and they only want the best for you, you have to do what they say. However, if you try to do something different, something that is more about your own thoughts that contradict what they expect from you; then, you could start feeling guilty, anxious and scared of his/her reactions. So, in order to avoid more conflicts and your negative feelings, you please him/her again and the cycle starts again.

It is common that the “victim” expects that the abuser changes his/her behaviour in a positive and better way; but unfortunately, it will not happen because the abuser only cares for their own needs and for keeping the control on yourself. They do not want to lose that control and power on you. They do not want your independence, they do not want your well-being, although they tell you this many time.

So, if you feel identified with this kind of relationship and you want to do something about it, I invite you to start your individual therapy. You have the responsibility to help yourself by seeking professional assistance.

The first step to change is the hardest one. So, feel free to call us if you require further information 0452 248 129 or via email, info@ascentpsychology.com.au

2019-05-16T08:28:37+00:00